Let’s talk about hormones. Holy. Moly. If I thought I was susceptible to those heart-warming commercials before, I’m a freakin’ MESS now days. Suggestions are critiques, misplaced words are fight igniters, and every blasted thing is felt deeper than I thought humanly possible.
I’m in a glass case of EMOTION!
When pregnant our awareness to everything is heightened, except…occasionally…to reality. Hey, I’M IN THE BOAT WITH YOU. So here’s some steps to help you double check what’s real and what’s just a hormonal surge so you don’t go to Crazytown and live there. (The rent is high, and there’s no trash service. Trust me, you don’t want to go there.)
Identify What You’re Feeling
Deeply moved, heart achey, frustrated, scared, elated, on-edge, raw, tired, (I’m just gonna say it) hungry, disappointed, alone, etc.
example: I’m angry. Why am I angry? My feelings are hurt -I’m sad and wounded. It feels unfair.
Get To The Root
Start asking yourself what is causing those feelings.
example: Sarah got invited to Brenda’s bridal shower and I didn’t. I feel totally dissed. I thought I was a valued friend of Brenda’s -how could she be so thoughtless. THE WORLD IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME!
Is Your Self-Worth Compromised?
Ah, hell no. No matter what, your self-worth cannot be depleted or altered by anyone. It is constantly of immeasurable value, never deflated or inflated -it is powerfully static. So no matter what is happening your self-worth cannot be compromised, it is what it is -and it’s priceless. YOU hold an invaluable treasure inside your inner being just by your sheer existence.
Now that we’ve got that settled and you know that you are okay, let’s go back and deal with those emotions.
Follow The Logic
As best as you can, try to see alternate sides of the situation -particularly ones that paint a less emotional picture. When I’m in the midst of strong emotions, this is tremendously challenging -like the Hulk trying to get back to normal- but walking through the logic of a situation is incredibly helpful in making sure my emotions are balanced and I don’t say/do something I’ll later regret.
ex: Maybe Brenda did invite me but it got lost in the mail. Maybe someone else was in charge of inviting people and they didn’t realize how much I would have loved to be there. Maybe there was a size restriction and only family and a few close friends could come.
So what now? Should I give Sarah and Brenda the cold shoulder from here on out? Because that’s what I want to do. But chances are Brenda didn’t know I wasn’t invited -she may have even expected me to be there. What if she’s thinking, “Hey, how come Kelly didn’t come to my bridal shower? Does she not like me? Isn’t she happy for me?” See? We just never know. So I should send her a card or get her a gift if I truly do believe we are that good of friends and give them to her soon so she knows how much I value her and how excited I am for her happiness. Maybe we could have our own little shower -I’ll make tea and something to nibble and invite her over!
I like that idea. Much better than cutting off two friends because I’m overwhelmed with emotions and hurt feelings.
Shucks, this can be applied to non-pregnancy, too, right? There are plenty of times I need the “Stop and Think” approach to feelings.
Allow Yourself To Feel, But Don’t Stay There
When those feelings come, it’s good to let them out. Just like puking. If you have to vomit, vomit. Try your best to balance your feelings with reality, allow yourself to process them, let them run their course, then move on. Resist the delightful urge to set up a kiddie pool and flop around in those feelings. They are juicy, they are deep, but they don’t serve you so process and move on, Dear One.
It’s usually a daily practice for me. Sometimes I fail (okay, so often I fail,) but for those times I can catch myself, I can recognize the hormonal mental highjack and act accordingly -which helps my life and loved ones ever-so much.